


I love you 3000

by NorthernMaiden



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-11
Updated: 2019-05-11
Packaged: 2020-03-01 02:18:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,866
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18790996
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NorthernMaiden/pseuds/NorthernMaiden
Summary: Written for a dear friend of mine





	I love you 3000

Steve’s heart felt heavy. He knew what was going to happen. In order to retrieve the Soul stone, another soul had to be given. He had made the decision long ago, though. He wanted the best for Bucky. He deserved it, after all he had gone through. He wanted him to be safe, to be happy. Steve had gone into battles, into war for him and he would do it again if need be, to protect him and to be by his side. 

Steve had fought many battle as Captain America and even before that, he never backed down from a fight. Still, he realised it was time for him to pass down the shield, to retire. He knew he would not give up a fight but he noticed his mind had become darker over the past couple of years. The search for Bucky and then finding him had been an emotional rollercoaster, especially after finding out the assassin sworn to kill him was his best friend and was still alive, after Steve thought he had died from falling from the train 70 years prior. Nevertheless, he did not waver from his friend’s side. He would do everything for him, going as far as to give up the shield for him. 

It started to become harder for Steve to be Captain America, even if he did not like to admit it. He enjoyed it and liked keeping the people safe, carrying the title with pride but it was hard. He was mentally exhausted. That is why he passed down the shield to Sam. He did not want to saddle up Bucky with such a heavy burden. He wanted him to take care of himself first, to get the help he needed or anything that could help him with the trauma he had received over the years. 

He wanted Bucky to live a normal life, as much as he could. He wanted him to get a second chance. Bucky was not like the Winter Soldier. The Winter Soldier was something forced into him via brainwashing. Bucky was a victim of Hydra’s horrible crimes.

Steve had done so much but he was willing to give it all up for Bucky, so he could continue on and try to get better. Bucky still had potential, despite everything that had happened. Doctors could do so much with their new technology, it was so much different than in the fourties. Steve was sure they could do something for his best friends to try to help him. He knew Bucky suffered from horrible mental illnesses. He had heard him more than once talk in his sleep, pleading in a language he did not understand. Steve would comfort him after his nightmares and would feel guilty because he wanted to take his pain away but there was not much he could do. Bucky deserved better, he deserved a good life, where his past would not plague him. 

Steve had decided long ago. He would give his life for Bucky. 

It was awfully quiet on Vormir. Dark and large pieces of stone erupted from the stone ground. Steve could see the edge of the cliff in front of them as they slowly approached it. They had arrived not too long ago. Steve had not told Bucky about his plan. Bucky would definitely try to stop him if he did. 

Steve felt calm. He had thought his plan through. They stopped walking just a little away from the edge and turned to look at each other. ‘Buck’, Steve started.

‘No’, Bucky interupted him. Steve assumed Bucky knew what he had wanted to say and reacted just as he thought he would. He swallowed.

‘Buck’, Steve repeated. 

Bucky shook his head. ‘Don’t you dare’, he warned him. 

Steve looked at the edge of the cliff and back to Bucky. He wanted to set a step forward to the edge but Bucky got hold of Steve’s arm. ‘Don’t’, 

Steve turned to face the soldier. ‘I have to, Buck’, he said, his voice not louder than a whisper.

‘I am not going to let my best friend sacrifice himself like that’, Bucky answered, his voice stern but his eyes saddened.

‘Buck’, Steve whispered, meeting Bucky’s eyes. It hurt to see him like this. He did not want to see his best friend suffer.

‘No, Steve’, Bucky replied. He held Steve’s arm tightly, not wanting to let go. 

‘Bucky, it is for the best’, Steve pleaded. He carefully tried to break loose from Bucky’s grip but Bucky did not let go. ‘I have fulfilled what I wanted to do. I want to help one last time to finish Thanos. Please, let me’, 

Bucky shook his head. ‘No’, he replied and held on to Steve’s arm. Steve tried to walk to the edge regardless but Bucky stopped him by pulling him back towards him.

‘Bucky’, Steve pleaded again. ‘Let me do it, please’, 

Bucky shook his head again. ‘You are not going to do it, Steve. I refuse to. You are not going to something reckless like that, not for me’, 

Steve turned so he could face Bucky again. ‘But you deserve better, Bucky. So much better’, Steve’s voice cracked and he told himself to stay strong. ‘You deserve a good life, away from harm and pain. You deserve to be happy’, 

Steve saw his words did something to Bucky. His eyes softened. Bucky swallowed. ‘It’s too late for that’, the soldier replied, sadness shining through his voice.

Steve shook his head. ‘It is not too late, Buck! Look at how far you have come the past couple of years!’, he replied. Bucky had gone into therapy after he found out who he really was. He had made progress but definitely was not finished yet. Steve was proud of him regardless.

Bucky grimaced. ‘You saw how I reacted’, he said. They were both informed that therapy could rake up memories and events but they had not known it would be this severe. Before Bucky went into therapy, he also would have nightmares but after he started with therapy, it seemed they would become more intense. Steve would be there when Bucky would wake up, gasping and panting, laying in a pool of his own sweat. Steve would hold him and talk to him until he had calmed down. It broke Steve’s heart.

‘That does not mean it will stay that way’, Steve replied. ‘I am sure they can help you, Buck. It is not too late’, Steve noticed he started to become choked up but he tried to remain strong. He curled his fist. ‘It is not too late’,

‘Steve’, Bucky’s voice was soft. ‘It is too late for me. The damage has been done’, 

Steve broke himself free from his friend’s grip and turned his back to the edge so he could face Bucky again. ‘Go, Buck! Go live the life that you deserve!’, he yelled.

‘Do you think I can live with myself, knowing I have caused harm to all those innocent people?’, Bucky’s answer made Steve fall silent for a moment. He had not expected that.

‘Bucky..’, Steve’s voice was soft when he spoke again, contrasting the tone of his earlier words.

‘I killed them, hurt them, scarred them!’, Bucky continued. ‘Half the fucking world is against me! I am a criminal, Steve and what I have done can not be reversed’,

Steve swallowed thickly. ‘You are not the actions of Hydra. You are not to blame for what they did to you’, 

‘But I do have to live with the consequences of those actions’, Bucky’s reply was cold. It hurt Steve because he knew his friend was right. He was not the same person as the members of Hydra and it was not his fault he became the Winter Soldier but he did have to live with the consequences those actions had brought with them. 

‘Bucky, please. There is still a chance to get better. Please, go back and let me do it’, Steve tried again. When he saw the soldier would not let him do it, he decided to go for something more drastic. 

Steve turned around and ran for the edge but was soon tackled down by Bucky. ‘No!’, the soldier shouted. He sat on top of Steve and pinned his arms down onto the hard ground. Steve tried to wriggled free from Bucky’s grasp but the soldier was too strong. ‘No way I am letting you do this’, he growled. 

Steve groaned slightly because of the weight on top of him and Bucky’s grasp. He looked up at his friend. ‘Why won’t you let me?’, his voice was laced with desperation. He wanted Bucky to understand. He wanted him to understand this was what he wanted and that nothing could change his mind.

Steve could see Bucky hesitate for a moment but soon felt his lips against his own. A warm sensation spread through his body and he closed his eyes. 

Bucky pulled back a moment later and Steve could see a tenderness in his eyes. ‘Because I love you’, Bucky replied softly. Steve swallowed. He cared deeply for Bucky and had loved him for some time now. The fact that his feelings were being returned by the one he loved the most, released several emotions in him. He was happy, thankful but also determined and saddened. Determined because he now had more reason to keep Bucky safe and saddened because he would leave. But his feelings were mutual, which was something he would not have imagined. 

Bucky let go of Steve and got up, pulling Steve up with him. He embraced him before pulling him into a hug. They kissed once again and Steve brushed through Bucky’s dark locks. For a second, he forgot everything around them. He forgot their mission and why they were there. The only thing he felt, smelt and sensed was Bucky, making Steve focus on him. 

Bucky slowly broke the kiss and rested his forehead against Steve’s. ‘I love you’, he whispered again.

Steve was a little dazed by the kiss and his friend’s confession when Bucky let go of Steve. Steve realised too late what Bucky was going to do. Bucky dashed towards the edge of the cliff. Steve stretched out his arm and followed him with quick steps. ‘Buck, Buck! Bucky, don’t, please! I love you!’, he yelled after him, his voice thick with despair.   
Steve was closing in on Bucky and nearly grabbed his suit. But he was too late. Bucky jumped before Steve could get hold of him and he watched as Bucky disappeared into the depth next to the cliff.

Steve’s legs slowly gave out from underneath him and he sank to the ground. His eyes were fixed on the ground Bucky had just stood on and where he had disappeared not long after. A choked sound escaped his lips and his hands dragged along the cold, dark stone of the ground underneath him. He grimaced bitterly. This had been Bucky’s plan all along. Hot tears welled up in his eyes and flowed down his cheeks. He cried the tears he had held in for so long. 

He had lost him again.


End file.
